Tag Archives: Racing

I got distracted.

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I still remember the day I sold my beloved Mysterian like it was yesterday.  Most of what I remember is Nicholas watching it leave our old shop behind someone else’s truck.  He was almost in tears, I guess I wasn’t much better off either.  I had to do it because of where I was at in my life but I still hate that I did.  Racing, Formula Vee specifically, has always been part of my life and I am not sure how many people in the world can say that.  I started the construction of that car to give my Father and I something to talk about that distracted both of us from the Cancer that would eventually take his life.  I had wanted to finish the car so he could go to the track one more time before he passed away.  He was blind by then but he could have heard the sounds and the announcers, drank his coffee and shared his stories with the people in the paddock.

Those of you who were there have no idea what you missed because he never made it to the track.

He didn’t make it to the track though as I did not finish the car before he passed.  After I DNFed my first race back I went into a porta potty, sat on the toilet and cried for twenty minutes, it was that emotional a thing for me this RACING thing.

In the coming years I got further and further into racing a spent more effort on it than I did on my professional life, in fact I tried to MAKE IT my professional life.  Nicholas shared something with me, he grew up at the race track just like I did.  I worked on my skills, worked on my driving, spent too much and had a life.

I quit racing not because I lost interest but because of a callus phonecall from a friend and Paddock politics.  The latter, in fact, was the reason that I stayed away from racing as long as I did from 1980-2000.  I was so worried about what people thought about me that I would deprive myself of the thing I loved most because of it.  Yeah, I know, sad bordering on pathetic. It’s OK, I’m better now.

When I left my friend Blake Tatum told me with a smile that “You aren’t retiring you’re going into remission”.  I didn’t really know how right he really was.  Since that time I have had several bad relationships (the one I gave up racing for ended really badly), got caught in the economic downturn and been generally kicked around to the point of not knowing what was up and which way it was.

Then I started going back to the racetrack this year this year and things changed. I realized that there actually was a place where I belonged and where I could be happy.  Last month I rejoined the SCCA.  This weekend I will be sorting through my old shop looking for race car parts.  In 2000 my return to racing started with a greasy VW front end and a helmet.  Well I have a greasy front end already modified to go on a Formula First (yes, I am going Formula First racing, if you don’t like it keep it to yourself!) along with the baseline pieces for a car.  I have been talking to Crusader cars.  I am broke but I am resilient.  Over at THEBUCKYPROJECT I am working on my body and quietly in the shadows I will be working on my tools.

So I am coming out of retirement, hide the women.

Hidden Treasures

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I had to post this picture.  I found it on a disc in my old shop which I am cleaning up finally to get stuff ready for my new studio and to generally get on with my “life after divorce”.  Anyone who has been through a divorce knows that it pretty hard to do, in different ways for different situations.

I like this picture because I know exactly where and when it was and in a lot of ways it is a momento of my old life.  Nicholas took this picture with the camera his Uncle Jeff gave him after what was probably the best session I had during my last stint racing.  I was comfortable, smooth and happy.  The car was right and my family was around me, both for real and extended.  When the time sheet came out it was revealed I was the fastest Regional driver.  A sort of “Back handed Pole position”.  A position I spent the rest of the night worrying about to the point that when Don Manthe stuck his nose in where it had no right to be I gave him the corner rather then clipping his nose off, that move made me spin off and head to the back of the pack.  I worked my way through, only to get pinched off again.  I worked my way through the pack again and at the end of the day I was pissed off at myself but felt good about my drive in general.

In a lot of ways though it was the end of my racing career, not because I didn’t want to race but rather because of drama in the pits that I was emotionally unequipped to handle. I finished the season and haven’t raced since. I miss the hell out of it but I am not sure I will ever set foot in a car again, as much as I would like to.

I look at the guy sitting on the table and I like him.  His expression reflects how tired and satisfied he is as well as how much he cares for the boy taking the picture. I wish I could go back in time though and meet him on that long walk he took by the beach that night, wish I could tell him to be happy and feel good about himself and to ignore all the bullshit that people who pretended to be his friends were going to pour on him, that it didn’t mean anything to his son and his family and the people who really counted.

If I could do that Don would have been doing fiberglass work when he got home to Santa Rosa and Larry Bacon might still be driving a Vector.

A Mutha of a morning coffee

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Man, the first Bar-B-Q of the year is always the hardest!.  Spent last night at Brian and Shari’s celebrating Terran Swanson’s 18th Birthday.  There is a group of Nick’s friends that I consider “my boys”.  They are all kids who have come over to hang with Nick and we all wound up laughing and doing things together.I would take a bullet for any of these kids.

Anyway the party was great,spiced up with a lot of old Racer Cronies.  Larry Bacon and his loverly friend Barbara  were there to keep people laughing, Don Manthe with his usual dry wit and infectious laigh, Didier was there (Minus Zak who is off getting ready to get married) and of course Toad.  Brian was in rare form, but he told me he is dieting to change that. I assured him that it was no problem as I still have him beat by several cup sizes in the MANZIERE department.  I would have stayed longer but I had to get to Sebastapol before they shut off 116 for road construction at 11.  Got to visit with Jim and Debbie for too short a time before hitting the sack.

This morning I drove around my old neighborhood in Cotati in the gentile spring rain.  The air was scrubbed clean by the sprinkles and I was further reminded of why I feel like North Bay is not only home but heaven on Earth.  I would like to think that I will be living there again in the future but am not sure when or even if ever.  As I am working on rebuilding the studio (and my career) and as Nicholas gets older I am feeling more like wandering and less like settling down.  That is not to say that if the right gal was to come along I wouldn’t consider tossing down some root but for right now I am keeping my options as open as I try and make my heart.  It seem that if you are hurt badly there are two schools of thought, cover the wond tightly and keep it away from all the bad things that can get into it OR let it breath in the air, keep it clean and let it heal in the open air.

It’sSunday so I will give yo a break from huckstering T-Shirts today, not to say I won’t do any new ones, I just won’t pot ‘em, and after breakfast I will ponder a bit with ya’ll!

Talk atcha in a bit

Coffee in Petaluma

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Bright and early trip up the peninsula this morning, earlier and more direct than usual.  Reson for that is that I was a man on a mission, heading for a Diner in Sebastapol where a waitress I used to flirt with had asked about me a couple times when some of my friends went in to eat.  This gal and I had in the past enjoyed a somewhat snappy repartee and the thought of restarting that made me smile so I figured I would drop in and say hi.  Additonally she is an artist herself so there was the potential for some shop talk as well…oh and bisquits and gravy. ‘Twas not to be though, Saturday morning “Sebastapolocks” meant there was little time to catch up, but her smile was bright as usual and the extra miles on the road are not something I would ever regret.  It is a beautiful day and I love the road.

Nick’s first short film, the one he and I worked on two weekends ago, is showing today at a student film festival so when he rouses himself from his “growly bear” status and gets dressed we will be off to that.  I also have to crank out the “Shirt of the day” for the shop as well.  This evening is Terran Swanson’s birthday bar-b-que which means a chance to catch up with the denizens of my racy past. It will be nice to see a lot of them, but not so nice as I think I will be going to the track anytime soon.  I still miss racing so much that it just simply too hard to go watch everyone else do it.  I mean there is NO financial way that I could even TRY to do it right now but when you are addicted you are addicted.

More later, have a great Saturday!